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  • Leah Cee

Pushback from partners

I've been working with some absolutely wonderful clients over the past few years, and what has become clear is that many are booking sessions without their partners knowing.


After a few deep discussions, I'm saddened for these beautiful people who have felt the need to hide the fact they've called in some help or worse, been berated by their partner for calling on my services.


There is no shame in asking for help to reset your home and achieve calm - especially when we are more time poor than ever, fulfilling more duties than we perhaps should be, and we are emotionally and physically depleted.


Everyone's story is different, but the common thread when dealing with clutter is that it is overwhelming. And sometimes overwhelm is crippling. Clutter can paralyse us from making decisions, functioning on a daily basis and moving forward.


If a partner doesn't understand the gravity of this overwhelm and stress, they won't always recognise the need for support. They may not see the clutter themselves. They may blame you for the mess. They may expect you to just deal with it. And they may not justify the expense of having a Professional Organiser or Declutter Coach coming in to help. To the partner, it's simply a waste of money when you could or should be cleaning up yourself.


This, sadly, is incredibly unsupportive and makes me feel quite despondent.


So, how do we deal with an unsupportive partner who pushes back over a Professional Organising session?

  1. Communicate with them. Tell your partner the clutter is beyond your capability and you'd like outside help. Find out why it's an issue for them. It could be that they are embarrassed by their own clutter and don't want anyone seeing it. Reassure them that a Professional Organiser sees clutter every day and good PO's do not judge.

  2. If the cost is the issue, remind your partner that they perhaps spend money on things you don't find value in. Some might enjoy drinking their money away with mates on a weekend. Some might pop their hard earned dosh into a betting account never to be seen again. Some might buy expensive gadgets. Some might use their money on hobbies that are of no interest to you. Some might use money on expensive gym memberships. If these experiences make your partner feel better, that's great. But you deserve to feel great too.

  3. A decluttering session is going to make you feel fabulous - emotionally and physically. Use your own money to book a session (or more) and don't have any regrets.

  4. Importantly, if your partner is absolutely resistant to anyone touching their things, don't touch them. But you must agree on zones that can be sectioned off for their stuff and your stuff. If that means a literal line down the middle of the bedroom, then so be it. If it means all of your partner's stuff goes into a room that is closed off from shared spaces, then implement that. Don't let other members of the household upset your decluttering goals. You can still manage your own belongings and reduce them to make your life easier. You'll be surprised at how many people jump on board the decluttering bandwagon once they see others enjoying the lightness and ease of living with less.

  5. Some people are stubborn and will not be swayed into a more clutter-free lifestyle not matter how much you plead the case. If this is driving you to a place of depression, angst and continuous stress, then it may be worth seeking professional help or counselling.

  6. Finally if your partner is showing signs of coercive control by humiliating you over clutter, and will not allow you to access finances to make positive changes within your home, then please seek professional assistance through one of the below organisations within Australia. Coercive control is NEVER ok.








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